Lost and found

Got back from Nowhere yesterday and starting to decompress now. I’ve thought a lot about what Nowhere 2013 was for me. Most of it is impossible to express with words or maybe even at all. But this idea of loosing stuff kind of got stuck in my mind. So here are some thoughts about my experience at Nowhere this year.

This Nowhere was a super intense one. I really felt it and heard and felt from others it was so for them too. The extreme weather, with very high temperatures and more humidity than last year and so many and such hard storms must have had something to do with it. Maybe because of this also a lot of people got ill, tummy flu or whatever it was, a lot of people spent part of Nowhere being violently ill. Either of these break down your defences.

This year was my second Nowhere and last year I felt like I bit off a part but there was a lot more. Probably more than I could chew at that time, so I didn’t feel to bad not going for it completely. This year it feels as if I went for it full on, pushing it as far as my body and mind could take. And I feel like I hit the edge of what I could handle a few times. Which is good, I was ready for it.

Trying to summarize it feels like I lost a lot of things. My mind a few times (or almost at least), my heart definitely two times, my sense of restrain. But most importantly, I lost my fear and my ego. Two things that have kept me from reaching the full me. I can already feel fear and ego are trying to creep back, but I am much more aware of how they do, so I hope I can keep them at bay.

Thanks to loosing stuff I found a lot more than I could ever hoped. I found my self, and love and with this real self-love, something I have missed for a long time. I found openness and determination to go for something, even though I might not yet know what it is exactly. I feel confident I will find it by just going for it, not holding back any more. And most important I found true love, in so many forms and shapes. So many people who are so close to me, closer than I ever let anyone come before. And if feel wonderful!

So Nowhere was truly life changing for me. Much more than any other thing I have experienced before and that includes a year of intense psycho therapy, psychedelic experiences, Native American Church and other Peyote ceremonies, body suspension and last years Nowhere. All these experiences where very intense and did change me, but nothing as much and as deeply as this. Thank you Nowhere!

3 thoughts on “Lost and found

  1. Nice lines Dimi. Thank you for posting.
    For me this year was also pushing it to the limit but only physically. Last year was overwhelming. This year I felt purpose to being there. But the extreme heat, the storms, losing parts of our camp and seeing so many people I love ask for blankets under a 42 degree sun was hardcore. I would say I’ve decompressed because it’s been two weeks now but I haven’t. My heart has irregular beatings (literally) and my mind just won’t stop racing. I feel that my personal liminality has not yet fully developed and I can’t enter that final stage yet. So many thoughts are racing through my head. The time for making decisions has come and I have no idea what to do.
    Maybe a skinny dip would do me good as well!
    Be well friend. I was nice to see you again and I’m glad you made it back safe and happy.
    Love

    • Thank you for the kind words. Happy you enjoy my post.
      I feel like the Nowhere was liminality for me, it happened somewhere near the end of the event. I feel like making decisions has become so much easier and that I clearly feel which road to take. I hope I can keep that feeling.
      Skinny dipping is always good. Hope you find some nice secret swimming spot!
      Love and hugs

  2. Pingback: Liminality | zonk

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